Don’t let your emotions take over your family life
I often hear the word debt free when it comes to the personal finance arena. It has gotten to a point where men and women overlook the needs of their spouse and children just to become debt free. Some people go overboard when it comes to being debt free. Having the big children take care of the little children. There are single moms that worked two jobs and turned their children into latch key kids just to get out of debt fast. I understand the desire to become debt free, but you must realize that you do not need to lose what money cannot buy, just to get what money can buy.
You should have the work/family balance. They are several people that are debt free and have a family that is bankrupt emotionally. People have abuse situations in their family life just to get out debt. They have neglected the children and spouse by chasing money.
I knew a couple that vowed to be debt free, they worked various jobs, and the children were flipped around so much while the parents worked. They did whatever it took to be debt free. Meanwhile, their child was so disconnected with them. Yes they became debt free but at the expense of their child who later, by being home alone joined a gang. I would never a pay as this just to get out of debt a year sooner. Some things are not worth it.
I once heard a caller call into the Dave Ramsey Show and she said that her and husband got of debt and a week before she was going to call to scream “We’re Debt Free” her husband decided to leave her.
So I ask you how important is getting out of debt? Are you willing to sacrifice your marriage? Just to beat some type of timeline. The husband simply went along with her/Dave Ramsey plan to get out of debt, but she never asked what were her husband wants and needs. He may have wanted to start a business while getting out of debt and she may have bent on being debt free. Who knows? If your marriage is suffering already and you think getting out of debt is going to somehow make it better, you are only kidding yourself. You need to talk to your spouse before you just lay out a debt free plan. Sometimes you can compromise.
Another caller was out of debt, and wanted to buy some clothes after three years of getting out of debt. She called Dave Ramsey for permission to buy some clothes? Huh? Simply because Dave says you must have a fully funded emergency fund before you start loosening up and buying things. She wanted to buy clothes and her husband wanted to keep going according to the plan. Oh brother!
Children have also suffered, as I said earlier there are single moms sacrificing their children upbringings because of the rush to get out of debt.
Do not get me misunderstood— being out of debt is a good thing, but do not sacrifice a marriage or your children’s future for the sake of getting out of debt early. Sometimes it’s not worth it.
Personal finance is personal! The sacrifice and stress may or may not be conducive to your family situation. Certain things cannot be rushed
Don’t lose what money cannot buy, just to get what money can buy
March 9th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
I agree that some people sacrifice way too much to become debt free. I knew a couple who let their kindergartener and second grader take the school bus home to an empty house, just to save the aftercare fees. They are now divorced, and the children are troubled. This 'debt free' thing is Ramsey's schtick, and he's got to stick to his guns in order to keep his followers following him. Hopefully people do so carefully and don't sacrifice their family for the satisfaction of knowing they don't owe anyone money.
March 10th, 2010 at 11:25 pm
While I agree with this to a certain extent I believe people must most of all use wisdom and common sense which you certainly can't buy that lol. I am a dave ramsey fan and I TOTALLY drank the koolaid as they say.
Im single so when you talk about kids and marriage Im lucky im not there yet but I still have other family obligations ( i see them at christmas lol just kidding). I think the most important thing is having someone to hold you accountable in ANYTHING, be it working to much, spending to much, eating to much, sleeping to much. It all has its place so I think its unfair to single out getting out of debt because at some extent we all do harmful things in regards to family.
In those cases you mentioned I think they are there are ALWAYS extreme cases and clearly they needed a bit more guidance but who doesn't? I would hope getting out of debt doesn't cause people to divorce, it wasn't debt it was lack of communication, and true feelings.
as far as your kids not being on board well, it says get out of debt not treat them like a step child, meaning they should be apart of this thing to and understand why we do what we do and realize its for a SHORT TIME.
some of use work 1 job 40 hours and dont spend time with our kids, so its bull that working 2 or 3 causes them to really suffer over a year or two, if thats the case then u might say because my mom didn't buy me a barbie I tried to kill someone? Again not trying to make light of these poor peoples cases but really, gotta use wisdom, and get others like minded involved when u are outta line.
like i have my friends say look girl u need a break, doesn't mean im gonna jump when they say jump, but it does mean i will take what they say into consideration, probably save up to go out of town with them a few times which is fine.
we sacrifice for what we want to and if u are not careful someone will ALWAYS SUFFER. we do it going to college trying to find our passion, or careers, or being all we can be, and its different for everyone.
it is personal finance but don't use peoples lack of understand of what this whole program is about be an excuse not to do what we know we should anyways.
I probably would call dave to ask to buy clothes too, some people just dont have the right accountability and who is to say that phone call kept her from spending 500 bucks on stuff she probably wont be able to fit in 6 months anyways? I WOULD call dave before i call my broke friends thats for SURE.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:11 am
Divine, you brought up one of Dave's little 'sayings' that bugs me. I've heard him say time and again “Don't ask your friends for advice, because they're BROKE”. I've got some news for Dave, not everyone is broke, as he seems to assume. I understand that he may have this opinion because he's not coming in to contact with rich people in his business, but it's a stilted view and simply not true. I am far from 'broke', and I know very few people who are broke. And those broke people I do know are young and just starting out.
Dave gives ridiculous advice. For instance, his advice to someone who is deep in debt and has a $13k balance on a car worth $7k. His automatic advice is 'Sell the car and by yourself a beater'. Huh? This person will still owe $6k on the car he sold, and where is he supposed to come up with the money for the beater? And where is the money coming from for the inevitable repairs on this beater? I cringe at the thought that people are actually listening to that kind of advice!
March 11th, 2010 at 7:31 am
Hmm well I don't know if you have been though his complete program or not, but I do know a few “bites” from his radio show hardly gives you a full picture of how this whole thing should work.
when he says don't ask broke friends USUALLY its warranted by something someone said that didn't make sense at all. I mean obviously I can't walk up to you and smell broke lol. But if you said something really crazy I might think it,
for example the other day he called someone a broke friend because this woman was debt free, and her employer had given her a bounus of some sort of 6 figures, enough to pay off her house, and she was sitting on that money for 6 months because she didn't know what do to with it.
someone told her to go take out a mortage and an adjustable rate at that which if you know anybody who has done that was a super bad idea because of rates adjusting like crazy. He told her even if he did believe she should keep a mortgage he wouldn't put her in an arm he would have said rates are only 4% so thats stupid to go get a heloc when you can just get traditional loans right now.
He called her advisor broke because anyone who says keep a mortgage when you dont have to MUST be broke. AND even if he wasn't why in the world am I friends with someone would wouldn't even take there own advice?
as far as selling cars he always tells people to check kbb private sale because usually its higher than what people first claim its worth MOST people who call the show either dont know right off hand OR ARE way upside down the answer is obviously going to help like them OWING 34k but it being worth 28k or something extremly high that no matter how upside down u end up, any little bit helps as aposed to walking around with an 800 car payment.
most people can get a loan for the difference at a local bank, and beaters cost 1,000 which if u sell some stuff im sure you can come up with.
I drive a 1,000 beater my mother gave to me. and its amazing how when you start doing smart things how people begin to help to just randomly.
I ended up being able to go to cosmetology school for free as aposed to 6 or 8k and I would have never dreamed that could happen 3 years ago.
I im not here to convince you because its obviouse that you believe what you believe. People can bash dave all day and say his advice is stupid. But when you talk about extreme cases as the person who wrote this mentioned I had one myself.
I wanted to commit suicide 2 years ago because I was so hopeless. Prayer and Daves program saved my life and I believe that 100%. I have paid off 20k + and certainly will be debt free by October.
If you aren't broke thats great and you are above normal which most people can't say. But even if I was well off, I realize I could always use more wisdom in everything not just finances. Again im proud to have drank the kool aid and it taste so good!
March 11th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Divine, it's wonderful that Dave's advice has worked for you, and that you've come so far in such a short period of time. It's not good advice for everyone though.
My exposure to Dave Ramsey is watching perhaps 12-18 months of his TV shows and reading his Total Money Makeover book. I have not heard his radio show nor have I attended FPU. Although I've never been in debt, I certainly started out broke. Instead of concentrating on getting my expenses down in order to get ahead financially, I worked on the other side of the equation – got an education that provides a job with a great income. Money hasn't been a problem since. Along the way I've broken almost all Dave's rules. I buy my cars new, I put all my purchases on credit cards (don't even have a debit card), and I don't budget.
Why do I watch his show? Because it's entertaining to watch this arrogant guy bully people and basically show the maturity of a 12 year old with his name-calling and insults. I also get a kick out of some of the things he says. For instance, when he cites a 12% ROI when predicting people's wealth. What economy is he living in? Then there's the little ditty about muggers not having x-ray vision, so there's no excuse for carrying a credit card instead of cash. Ok, muggers don't have x-ray vision, I”ll give him that. So if I'm walking down the street with a friend and we get mugged, I'm carrying only credit cards and he's carrying only cash, guess who ends up losing their loot? Not me – I won't lose a dime. But my friend carrying cash loses it all. Another example – that credit cards are like snakes, eventually they WILL bit you. I've been using credit cards for 40 years and have never been bitten, never paid interest, never paid fees, and have made thousands of dollars in rebates along the way. Again, this is Ramsey's ill-conceived idea that it's the credit card companies / banks that are evil. It's the responsibility of the card holder to monitor his/her spending. With Ramsey's way of thinking, doctors who prescribe meds must be evil too because the patient may down the whole bottle in one sitting. That's their choice.
These are the type things I find entertaining about Ramsey's show. I agree that for some people this 'kick in the butt' may be just what they need to get on track. To me, the advice is very unsophisticated. But then Ramsey freely admits that it's not sophisticated advice, it's common sense stuff your grandmother would tell you, only he keeps his teeth in.
March 11th, 2010 at 11:35 am
A single Mom called in to his show and said she is staying in a 2 bedroom apt. her and her son and not receicing child support. She was behind on a few bills. To get out of debt Dave told her to move. She responded if I downgrade I would be in a bad area (which is true, the caller was from the same city I lived in. $900 for 2 bedroom she was doing well on price) Dave shouted “I don't beleive that, you can find a garage apt somewhere for cheaper. I was speechless!! Dave have never lived in my city what does he know
March 11th, 2010 at 11:38 am
Dave has this rush to get out of debt, I'm sure he means well, but moving from one place to aother will cost you by the time you save on price you would have spent on moving costs
March 13th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
For the record, I'm not in debt and never was deep in debt, I was always above average with money issues. Dave Ramsey is good for people that do not have a clue with money. People that need to start at step 0. Once you are out of debt or have a very low debt/income ratio, he may not be a service to you. Or you become bored with his advice, because he sometimes sound like a broken record. ( Same advice, different caller)
I just hate to see families suffer, divorce, or separate over the race to become debt free. Each caller should be treated different because of their situation.
March 18th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
I think some of you people are missing the point completely, including you moneymonk. As a person who is debt free, including my house, and a follower of dave, I can tell you it works. Some people just don't like Dave because he is pretty dry and tells it like it is. If you are calling into his show, then obviously you have money concerns, and I am personally glad he is brutally honest with people.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:04 am
I am also debt free (consumer). And I have never sacrifrice my family just to get out of debt. I just do not like my readers to feel they have to go against their spouse and children needs just to get out of debt.
March 19th, 2010 at 11:01 am
I'm debt-free as well, own 2 homes outright, etc. I do believe I'm getting the point. According to Dave, a young father and/or mother should work 2-3 jobs and basically miss their child's youth in order to get out of debt. No thanks. You only get that opportunity once with each child, and if I were in debt, I'd rather balance my family life with my financial life.
The problem isn't that Dave 'tells it like it is', rather he 'tells it as it is in his fantasy world'. Some of the advice he gives people are so off base and out of touch with reality that it makes his show entertaining to watch. Hopefully the people calling in think through his advice before trying to execute it.
But he does give SOME good advice.
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:38 pm
You own 2 houses outright! Way to go ~
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:42 pm
You own 2 houses outright! Way to go ~
March 23rd, 2010 at 7:42 pm
You own 2 houses outright! Way to go ~